“Pen Fifteen” Poisoning Afflicts Middle School Students

Dozens of students at Calvin Coolidge Middle School have succumbed to ink poisoning as a result of joining the “Pen Fifteen” club, whose initiation ceremonies include writing on the hand. Health officials believe that the ink is seeping through the skin and entering the blood stream, resulting in acute rollerballitis and an increased risk of chronic ballpointadopholous.

“Initially, these kids just want to fit in, so they join this club at their friend’s request,” said Coolidge Principle Judy Evans. “Well we’ll see how well they fit in when they’re dead.”

Billy Jackson, founder of the Coolidge chapter of the Pen Fifteen Club, was unavailable for comment due to recess.