Local Celebrity

As at nearly all schools, the University of Virginia Law School publishes a newspaper on a weekly basis, aptly titled "Law Weekly." One will probably not be surprised to see standard school paper fare, such as reviews of speakers, political columns, and general news from around grounds. What really makes Law Weekly unique, though, is a Top 10 list, gossip column, and a column about all the Section (think FIG) social events from the previous week. Up to this point, I had avoided mention in any of the pages of the Weekly. Unfortunately, that streak has ended. What have I done to warrant this special attention? I bowled a turkey last Friday night. That's right. Three strikes in a row and now I'm famous.

Now, I've always been skeptical of anybody who is too good at bowling. It carries a certain stigma. Maybe it's because of the "kind" of people that hang out at bowling alleys. The regulars, the league guys. I remember once on a rush (recruitment that is, not the band) trip when a rushee bowled like a 200 and I could never look at him the same way. I am generally not a good bowler, I just happened to play one of the best games of my life last weekend. Will this be my legend now around school? Am I going to introduce myself to someone at a party and they'll say, "Oh, you're that totally kick-ass bowler!"? There's another 1L who got headbutted the first party of the semester, and now he is known as "Headbutt Guy." What will be my moniker?

Tonight is the big Halloween bash outside of town complete with kegs and bonfire. A huge number of students will be attending. As I've learned from countless teen movies, this is the perfect scenario for something big to go down. Before this bowling thing sticks, perhaps I can alter my destiny and be known as "Slipped into the Bonfire Guy," "Passed out in a Field Guy," or "Exposed Himself to Half the School Guy." Please, anything but "The Bowling Guy."

4 Days 'till Halloween

This weekend, kids and adults alike will celebrate Halloween. Children will dress up as pirates, nurses, celebrities, and cats. Adults will dress as pirate pimps, naughty nurses, recently deceased celebrities and cats. (by cat I mean girls in nighties with cat ears) If you are an adult, and your costume is not sexy and/or tasteless, then you've missed the true meaning of this sacred holiday. So dress up as a pregnant nun, an Iraqi hostage, the ghost of Dangerfield, or Superman in a wheel chair (or coffin), and let's have a little party.

I remember growing up and looking forward to Halloween as early as August. Throw on a mask, get some candy, eat yourself sick, and then go to sleep, shaking as you come of a massive sugar high.

That all changed about the time I got to college. Now the two weeks preceding Halloween I am overcome with excitement, but it is nervous and anxious. The pressure builds; what are you going to be for Halloween? The line that we all must walk is a fine one. Dress as something harmless, and dare to be called boring. Push the envelope, and risk dirty looks and harsh words.

So with four days left, I am at a loss. My difficulty is compounded by the fact that I must attend a children's event and a late night party. Do I come up with two separate costumes? Perhaps, I just modify the costume from the children's event for the party. (e.g. Woody from Toy Story during the day and Woody in just a cowboy hat at night) Gidde up.

I have been growing a beard for about a week just to keep my options open. Maybe Kenny Rogers will die and my question will be answered. Until then, I'm looking for suggestions.

Apologies to Danza

I was just recently informed that Tony Danza is, believe it or not, still alive. My apologies go out to his family, friends and fans for any misunderstanding and heartache my post may have caused.

That would be tortious!

For the most part, I feel like my friends back home and here at school are funny people. Raised on the Simpsons, Seinfeld and Who's the Boss, as well as recent hits like the Daily Show, Curb Your Enthusiasm, and the George Lopez Show, the humor of my generation is sharp and biting with an appreciation for the ironic.

Enter law school. Thanks to the many latin terms that have found their way into our casebooks, lectures, and Black's Dictionary, a new humor is rearing its head in my life. Law students, because we hang out almost exclusively with other law students, enjoy dropping these new terms into everyday conversation. Some examples of such jokes heard around grounds:

Student: I wouldn't say that I'm lazy per se, but regarding my memo...I think that res ipsa loquitor (the thing speaks for itself)

Student: I was prima facie (on its face) lying in a gutter last night outside of the Biltmore.

And one especially awful example:

Student: Getting cold-called without having done the reading, that would be tortious! (I'm not even sure if he's using tortious correctly here)

Bad jokes happen, sometimes to funny people, and I guess I'm willing to accept that. My problem with this phenomenon is that at first I found myself completely disgusted at the thought of making these awful law jokes. That transitioned into a very sardonic usage of these terms, complete with mocking voice and cheesy look on my face. The concern is now that I can't help making these jokes and occasionally think that I am being clever and this is with no trace of irony.

I've got a theory that all men grow up and eventually develop this corny, Eugene Levy style of jokes that I call "Dad Humor." My theory is that men in their late 20's, begin mocking this style of humor and eventually fail to realize that what they once mocked, they have become. By the time they have kids, they have lost all edge in the sense of humor they once had.

So next month I turn 23 and will likely go out to a bar with my law school buddies. Someone will buy a round of drinks, and state their intent to get intoxicated. Insert mens rea joke here. We'll ask if their was sufficient consideration on a bold but perhaps unenforceable offer by someone to buy Jaiger shots. And then I'll head home and tort myself to sleep, asking what have I become? Tony Danza must be spinning in his grave.

My First Blog Post

According to various posts on blogs throughout the world, blogging is having a tremendous impact on something or another. In this age of multimedia this and high speed that, traditional media outlets cannot meet America's insatiable demand for information. Furthermore, corporate media, despite my many letters and phone calls, has decided that my rants on pop culture, politics, and the activities of my mundane life do not warrant any coverage.

And so it begins, Mambels Rambles will strive to be source for news on all things Mambels.